I have no idea who I'm becoming anymore, and I'm kinda low-key happy about it. I'm writing this at 8:30pm with a job interview at 11am that I haven't done anywhere near sufficient preparation for, another opportunity in my inbox contracting with a close friend’s business, and instead of anxiety, I feel... curious.
Which brings me to how that curiosity has led me to all kinds of interesting places. I’ve mentioned this before, but unemployment is definitely on-brand for me. It has a lot of stigma over here in Australia, but my situation is the epitome of what it’s for - a working professional, made redundant. So I hold no shame about putting myself on it whatsoever! It’s so nice to have that break to sit and reflect, and to look forward with clear eyes. Something all of us need at one point or other in our lives, I’d say! When’s the last time you had a break of more than a month to be with yourself?
Identity is far too easily absorbed completely into profession in the western, capitalist world we live in.
I urge you to ask yourself that question and explore what comes up. When you’re in it, it feels like the world is swallowing you up - and that’s coming from someone who’s cultivated so many hobbies and interests to diversify that “identity capital”, as I like to call it… Easy to understand for the world’s economically-inclined, which is pretty much everyone these days.
The Chaos of Becoming
Cash those Identity Capital Checks!
Who are we when the safety net’s gone? When the familiar know retreats and we are left facing the “terrifying” unknown in all its fearful glory? It’s funny, because logically I’ve long since absorbed and expunged the wisdom of Dr Joe Dispenza et al - our personality is our personal reality, the familiar keeps us stuck, the unknown is where we grow - if you haven't come across this before, it's worth exploring. Neale Donald Walsch (of Conversations with God fame) did say,
For a reason. But us humans do like our comfort, our security and our illusion of safety and control, don’t we?
The first, semi-preventative advice I can give as part of this article is as the header implies - cash your identity capital checks while you can. Diversify your portfolio, like you would with a FI/RE retirement fund! If all you let your identity rest upon is your job, relationship status and family, losing your job will destroy your soul even more than it would otherwise. Take it from me. I had a diverse identity and yet it still rocked me for a month or two.
Facing the Uncertainty Calmly
Looking back, I had enough cushion to sit with the uncertainty rather than immediately jumping into survival mode - severance, unemployment benefits, diverse enough skills for a range of casual or contract work. But here's what I realised in the time I’ve had: having options isn't what creates calm in chaos. How you hold those options is.
Even with a safety net, there were parts of me that plotted revenge arcs. Parts that wanted to jump at the first opportunity regardless of what it was. The familiar survival-driven responses that feel urgent and necessary in the moment. I managed to catch myself by thinking,
That question changed everything. Because uncertainty isn't just about finding the next job, relationship or living situation. It's about who you become in the process of navigating the unknown.
Most of us face uncertainty by trying to get back to familiar as quickly as possible. We make decisions from fear, scarcity or the need to control outcomes. And those decisions, made repeatedly over time, shape who we become. Personality is personal reality, after all.
What if instead of rushing to eliminate uncertainty, we got curious about what it might be trying to teach us? What if the chaos itself was the classroom?
And boy am I glad that I stopped to take the breath.
Breathe. Let Go. Be Open.
Why (and How!) the Breath Sets You Free
Here's what happens when you give yourself permission to pause in chaos instead of immediately problem-solving - you actually get to process what's happening rather than just react to it.
I managed to sit with myself long enough to actually process the feelings that came up, to navigate the numerous sinkholes of the situation with some (little) skill and compassion, both for myself and others.
And here's the interesting thing about taking that pause in any major life uncertainty:
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Thinking gets clearer - When you're not in reactive mode, you can see options you missed before
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Decision-making becomes easier - Less noise from fear and urgency means better signal from wisdom
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The "right" path becomes more obvious - Not because there's one perfect choice, but because you can feel what aligns vs. what doesn't
Whether you're facing job loss, relationship changes, health challenges, creative blocks or any other life disruption - the pause is where transformation lives. Most of us skip right over it, rushing to get back to familiar territory.
But what if the unfamiliar territory is exactly where you need to be right now?
Trust. Trust with Love.
It’s hard to trust, and for good reason. It requires faith. It requires hope. It requires to be ok with the idea of not knowing. But it’s worthwhile to trust, and to trust with love.
Alan Watts has been sampled for this brilliant piece of music from Darpan and Kailash Kokopelli. If you haven’t heard it before, I beg you to listen:
“We stand at the threshold of a great dawning.
Something deep within life is changing
An era is ending & at the very core of creation
Something new is being born
We are awakening from a long, collective sleep.”
Maybe that's what chaos really is - not disorder, but the space between what was and what's becoming. The creative tension where new versions of ourselves get to emerge.
I still don't know what I'm becoming. I have two job opportunities to navigate, a platform to build and a hundred other uncertainties ahead. But I'm no longer afraid of not knowing. I'm curious about it.
Because here's what I've learned: to trust in your own becoming is the ultimate act of self-faith. You don't need to know who you're becoming to let yourself become.
So breathe. Let go. Be open. And trust that whatever's trying to emerge through you is worth the uncertainty of letting it happen.
What would you let go of if you trusted your own becoming process?